Lost Loves
by ManlyFashion
Summary: Cordy & Wes get acting jobs on a soap - "Lost Loves" - but for how long can they hide their feelings?
1. Gordon & Tracy

TITLE: Lost Loves

AUTHOR: Rache

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine, they belong to Joss (but if he has any going spare I'd be happy to take them off his hands!) – so please don't sue!

RATING: Umm . . . PG at the moment I guess, but it might go as far as . . .drumroll . . . PG-13!!

SPOILERS: Don't think so. Its kinda standalone really.

SUMMARY: Wes & Cordy do acting!

FEEDBACK: Please!!

NOTES: This is my first Wes/Cordy fic – so please be nice! PS Future parts will be longer, I just really wanted to get this up!

Also, thanx to Hils for thinking of the names for Gordon & Tracy, and to RS for the Title of both show and fic!

"And . . . CUT!" Cordelia heard the director's voice ring out and her whole body relaxed. "OK, Cordelia, Wesley, that's you two done for today. See you tomorrow guys!"

Turning on her heel, she strode over to where she kept her things during filming, and began to quickly pack her bag. Wesley did the same, and as he reached over to pick up his water bottle, his arm gently brushed hers. She felt her skin prickle with excitement, and found it hard to contain her emotions. She looked up into his eyes, but looked away again, dejected, when she saw that his own face showed no emotion at all. Nothing. 

She remembered the first day they had worked together in the studio, and, in spite of her disappointment, she smiled. She had been amazed when she arrived, to find out that he was an amazingly talented actor. Just another of the many things that she loved about him. But she knew that he didn't feel the same way about her.

****

"I'm sorry, really sorry, but –"

"Save it Cordelia. Just don't do it again. I can't deal with my star being over an hour late all the time, so if you slip, I'll have to find someone else."  
"I promise, I will be on the dot tomorrow. You have my word."

"And mine," a familiar voice joined in.

"Wesley? What the heck are *you* doing here?!" She was speechless. The only explanation she could think of was that he'd followed her here . . . in which case, why was he here before her?

"Cordelia, can I introduce you to Gordon?" Jack, the director, gestured towards Wesley.

"No, that's Wesl – oh wait, you mean the *character* Gordon?! But Wesley isn't even an actor!"

"Au contraire my darling Tracy," Wesley smirked. "You just never asked. I'll have you know I was a damn good actor back in my college days, and when I saw the ad for this, I just couldn't resist."

"But . . but . . Jesus Wesley, you really do know how to drop a good bombshell, don't you?!" Suddenly she remembered something. "Wait . . . aren't Gordon and Tracy . . . like . . . y'know . . . . getting' it on?"

"That was the general idea," replied Jack, with a laugh in his voice.

"But . . I . . I . . . But . . .I can't!" 

"Am I so repulsive that you'd be willing to give up this job, *just* to avoid having to *pretend* to kiss me?" Wesley sounded upset at this.

"No, of course you . . aren't, I was just . . . surprised . . . that's all."

The truth was, she was absolutely crazy about Wesley. Ever since he first arrived in Sunnydale, she had thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. When they had the kiss . . . she had to admit, she had been put off. Just slightly. It wasn't the best she'd ever had, but she had to admit, he still looked *way* double-oh-seven in a tux. 

When he turned up in LA, at first she was annoyed. She thought he was trying to take Doyle's place . . . even though a part of her deep down inside knew that he wasn't, and never would. When they kissed, before she realised it was him, she noticed how gentle he was . . . had she been blind, she would never have linked the two people, let alone realised they were one and the same. That kiss had lit the fire again, but at first she didn't realise it. And after that, when she did realise it, she covered it over. She passed it off as annoyance. She wasn't *that* bad an actress, after all.

And now, she'd got her first acting job in months, in a prime time soap no less. Ever since she was a little girl, she had watched _Lost Loves_, and wished she were on it, determined that one day, she would be. That day had finally come – but with it, came something that made her life more complicated than it already was. Which is some feat.

She was always nervous when the cameras started rolling, but now it was a million times worse. She was going to have to *kiss* Wesley, someone she was deeply in love with. Could be some girls' dream job – but not Cordy. She didn't want him to know, because she spent almost all of her time working closely with him. It was hard enough to keep her feelings in check as it was, without the added stress of him knowing. Not to mention the rejection!

She wasn't in his first scene. As she sat and watched, she started to forget her inner turmoil, and became more and more engrossed in his performance. How come it had taken her until now to realise how talented he was?


	2. No . . . I can't!

FOR DISCLAIMER, SUMMARY ETC, Please see chapter one

She'd got over the nerves now, of course. After three months of acting together, it would be a bit hard for her not to. Not to mention how unprofessional it would be. He still didn't know how she felt. Which was why it hurt so much when she looked into his eyes and saw nothing but friendship. Actresses were supposed to be brave…Cordy had always been brave. But this was something completely different. All those guys she'd dated in high school…none of them had been Mr Right. Of course, at the time, little miss shallow that she was, would have completely disagreed with her future self. Every guy was THE guy. Apart from Wesley. He had been the one guy that she'd liked who she had never considered to be more than some boredom relief. Until she got to really know him. Ironic really.

She finished packing her bag, and turned to walk out of the studio. She had decided to go into the centre of LA for a little shopping. She'd been able to act a little more freely since she got this job, it gave her a steady income, and she needed to buy something new to boost her morale. She couldn't believe she found it so hard working with Wesley like this, when she'd worked day in day out with him for almost a year. She assumed it was the nature of their relationship on-set, they'd had to do more than a little kissing since they'd started. She enjoyed those scenes, and often she forgot that the cameras were there, caught up in her own little world. 

"Cordelia!" She heard Wesley yell in his beautiful English accent. For a split second she thought that maybe he felt it too, but then sternly told herself that he had had a million chances to tell her how he felt, so why would today be any different. Sighing, she turned back towards him. 

"Yeah?"

"Here's your script for next week. Jack just gave them to me."

"Thanks, Wes. I have to go, I, uh, have some…stuff…that I have to go do. I'll see you back at the office later?" She turned on her heel and walked out of the door and into the bright LA sunshine. Fishing around in her pocket for her shades, she put them on, and walked down the street. She was still blissfully unaware of how the public would react if they knew who she was – none of her episodes had aired yet. The first was going to be shown next week – Gunn and Angel had arranged a party for the night, everyone from Sunnydale was going to be there. It was gonna be like a reunion of the old gang – with a few added extras. Take Tara for example. She was definitely shocked when she heard about Willow being gay – but she still had a lot to thank the girl for. She'd probably still be stuck dating Xander Harris, living on the hellmouth, fighting demons (well OK so the last part was still true, but two outta three aint bad!) if it hadn't been for Willow. Since Cordy and Xander split up, they had grown to be great friends, but he definitely wasn't any Wesley.

***

Wesley twisted the key in the lock, and the door to his apartment flew open. Dumping his sports bag on the floor, he threw himself down on the sofa. After a few minutes of doing nothing at all, he reached over into his bag, and pulled out the script Jack had given him. He wasn't in the first few scenes, so he only skimmed them. As he settled down to read his scenes, his eyes opened with shock. Jack couldn't seriously be asking him to…no he must have read it wrong…he looked over it again, staring in disbelief. He had read it right. Jack wanted Gordon and Tracy to sleep together. He knew it was only acting, but…the way he felt about Cordelia, there was no way he would be able to keep himself together while filming scenes like that. He had only just managed to keep his feelings in check when he touched her arm earlier today – how was he supposed to film naked scenes? It was completely impossible…he would have to ring Jack and get him to change the script.

***

"Sorry, Wesley, no can do I'm afraid."

"What…but…why?!"

"It's a complete storyline. The scripts have all been written, we can't just *change* things at the drop of a hat!"

"Well…why not? I mean, can't you just *insinuate* that something happened between me and Cordy. I mean, surely…it's a family show, you can't…can you?"

"I'm the director, Wesley. I can do anything I like. And it's by no means the raunchiest scene we've ever had. Remember the time when we had Sonia and Hilary –"

"Yes, yes, quite. I remember. I also remember the complaints. The media were talking about it for months afterwards."

"Which is exactly what we want, Wes ma-boy."

Sighing, Wesley said goodbye and hung up. There was no way he was going to be able to get out of it…maybe he could call in sick. No, he couldn't do that. What would Cordelia think of him if he did?

***

"Jesus Cordelia, what is it with you two?" Jack exclaimed.

"What? Which two? Huh?!"

"I've already had Wesley on the phone complaining that *he* doesn't want to do the scene either. Now I'm telling you what I told him. It's all set. You have to do the scene. Cordelia, I'm counting on you. You know the ratings have been slipping since they resurrected Sunset Beach and crossed it with Beverly Hills 90210. Sunset 90210 has almost double the viewing figures. You have to do it Cordy. For me!"

"Jesus, Jack. You really do know how to wind a girl around your little finger don't you?! OK, I'll do it. Bye"

"Thanks Cordy, you're the greatest."

Hanging up, she sat down on the sofa. Dennis flicked on the TV for her, but she couldn't concentrate. Maybe she could pull a sickie. It would save both her and Wesley from any embarrassment that could make working together a problem. But no, she couldn't do that. What would Wesley think of her if she did?


	3. Chapter 3

When Wesley and Cordelia reached the Studio on Tuesday, neither of them could meet the other's eyes. Jack walked over.

"Wesley, Cordy. I've had a chat with the scriptwriters, and I'm managed to convince them to tone the scenes down slightly. We've decided that the kiss is almost enough."

"Almost?" Queried Wesley, trembling slightly.

"Yeah…they want you to push Cordy over onto the bed, and *mumphwimble*"

"Sorry, Jack? I didn't quite catch that." Cordelia sighed.

"Theywantyoutobegintoundohershirt." He looked up. "Is that…OK with you two?" They both nodded, neither of the looking at the other. "Good. Now that's settled, we can start."

***

2 hours and 56 takes later, Wesley and Cordelia were both feeling hot and flustered. And they hadn't even got to the sex scene yet. Neither of them felt able to comply with anything they were asked to do, nor could they look each other in the eye. Which didn't make for the greatest on screen chemistry ever.

"Cordelia. If you were watching yourself now, would you be thinking 'Sabrina & Harvey', or 'Chandler and Monica?" Jack was beginning to lose his patience with the way they were behaving. They were both fluffing the simplest of lines, forgetting how to follow his directions – you'd think after three months on a show Wesley would be able to remember where "Upstage Left" was. "No. You'd be thinking more 'Ross and anyone who would have him.' There's just no tension!"

Sighing, Jack sat down in his director's chair. "OK, guys. I can see you're gonna be unable to behave sensibly until we get this over with. So come on then." His voice gained an authoritative edge. He began to speak louder – Jack was in his element bossing people around. "Positions everyone – we're going with Scene 16 – Gordon's bedroom - ahead of schedule."

Jack picked up his script, and read along with the two actors as they performed the scene. He was really glad he found them, and he knew that they could go on to do great things, if only they could get over their problems working with one another. It was really beginning to get in the way of their careers.

"Tracy, I know what I said. But I've been thinking, and…I think it's time." Tracy looked hopefully into Gordon's eyes. As Wesley looked at Cordelia, it was almost as if she weren't in there at all. There was no life in those eyes, the sparkle he had grown to love was missing. He had to remind himself it wasn't Cordelia, it was Tracy. 

"Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want to push you into anything you don't want."

Wesley took Cordelia's hands in his own. He felt extremely self-conscious, and his hands felt clammier than ever. He had never felt this way about any of their screen kisses before…what was wrong with him this time? Maybe it was the thought of what was to come.

"I'm positive." As he leaned in to kiss her, he noticed the sparkle. It was there, it was just well hidden. As his lips touched her soft skin, it was like fireworks exploding in his head. As the kiss deepened, he began to lose control of his character. This was nothing like any of their previous screen kisses – nor was it like either of their real ones. It was new, it was exciting. He moved his hands around her waist, and let himself go completely. 

"Oh, Wesley." The small sound escaped Cordelia's lips before she could stop them. She had no hold on the world around her, she barely heard Jack's yell of "cut!" It sounded like he was miles away, and for all she cared at that moment, he could have been. It wasn't until Wesley pulled away, still with his arm possessively around her waist, that she realised what had happened. It took her a few moments to pull herself together enough to look into his face, but when she raised her face to his, she couldn't believe her eyes. His expression showed pure contentment, and when he saw her smile back, he let out a small sigh of relief, and tightened his grip slightly. They were lost so deeply in their own little world, they both jumped slightly when Jack appeared beside Wesley.

"Have fun guys?" He sounded angry. Cordelia had been so wrapped up in her situation with Wesley that she hadn't even given a second thought to what Jack might think. So she was relieved when he broke into a wide grin. "I think you guys should take the rest of the day off. I'm guessing you won't be having too much trouble with those scenes any more, huh?"

***

Angel walked into the hotel. He took off his jacket, and slung it over the back of a chair. He opened the door to his office, and couldn't believe that Wesley and Cordelia were finally together. He was happy for them,. He just couldn't understand why they were making their 'togetherness' final by them both being half naked on his desk. He closed the door, picked up his coat, and left the hotel, making sure he had enough money. It was getting dark, but most of the stores were still open. And he had the funniest feeling he was going to need to buy a new desk. 


End file.
